The Unbiased Eye

A scientist's commentary on events and culture

Crass From Hollywood to Wall Street

with one comment

The American Empire Retreats on All Fronts

My normally quiet life is occasionally shaken up by something, like it was yesterday when I randomly glanced at Gawker, the web site that proclaims, “Today’s Gossip is Tomorrow’s News.”

Most of the time Gawker is nothing special, a snarky collection of items from around the web. But today, today it was sublime.

One item was a put-down of an Esquire profile of Megan Fox, the actress who’s done a few teen movies and a few television shows, not the Fox News sensation who spells her first name differently.

Megan Fox in Esquire

Megan Fox in Esquire

The Gawker headline isn’t subtle: “An Analysis of Esquire’s Terrible Profile.” OK, but Gawker is a place where Lindsay Lohan, Justin Bieber and lesser lights often get serious attention. This should be funny. From the snippets of the Megan Fox interview, I couldn’t tell if the Esquire profile was on the level, or ironic.

Just one click away, the Esquire profile itself is long, very long, and accompanied by five or six tits and ass photos of the actress. Written by Stephen Marche, a Canadian with a PhD in English literature, the article fawns over this moronic 26-year-old woman. He is blown away by her perfectly symmetrical features and serves up a simile comparing her to the victims of Aztec human sacrifice, which she picks up and runs with. It’s the point of the article. Brave, young Megan won’t fall victim to the Hollywood machine. If Marche is winking at us, it’s too subtle for me. I think he’s on the level. So much for the value of advanced degrees in the liberal arts.

Now, on to the more hard-headed territory of the financial world. Gawker reports on a sensation on Wall Street caused by an honest letter from a college student looking for a summer job who got a bunch of offers.

The hiring guys on Wall Street were stunned that a kid had the self-deprecating moxie to admit his school and his record were anything but special, and then they sent him their job offers. We don’t hear directly from the kid, but we can read the text at Forbes, or at the Business Insider. It’s all over the place.

Two things jump out at me.

First, put yourself in the position of the guy in the office who has to read through hundreds, maybe thousands of letters, from college kids looking for cool summer jobs. Your vision blurs, your hands numb. The recitations of superlative grades, fascinating hobbies and activities and deep concerns about important social issues merge together into a mass of cold oatmeal.

I know. I had the luck to be that person once, and my top candidate was the kid who put the text in the shape of a pyramid, which he readily admitted was a ploy to make me read his letter. I didn’t get him. Someone else grabbed him first.

But this Wall Street letter isn’t even that original. In the middle, the kid addresses the recipient directly: They met when the kid’s uncle took him to lunch at the steak house, Smith & Wollensky’s, and introduced him to the hiring executive.

Case closed.

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Written by theunbiasedeye

January 17, 2013 at 5:10 pm

One Response

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  1. And that guy with the pyramid talent went on to become… Bernie Madoff!

    John Kurman

    January 17, 2013 at 7:13 pm


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