The Unbiased Eye

A scientist's commentary on events and culture

Job Creator of the Month

with 2 comments

The first-ever Unbiased Eye Job Creator of the Month award is going to Beyonce for the $5,200 crystal tub she has gotten for her baby girl due later this month.

Actually, it’s not clear when the baby will be born. In customary paparazzi style, everything is speculation. One has to rely on guesses of just how pregnant the pop singer is from glimpses of her in photos, television appearances and music videos.

Beyonce's crystal bathtub for her baby.

And actually, it’s not clear who deserves this job creator award, but I’m quite sure someone does. You see, Beyonce’s friend and former singing partner Kelly Rowland actually bought it for the superstar to make up for blowing the fact that the child will be a girl. In the end, I decided to give it to Beyonce because in our new gilded age, money talks. Relying on Famenetworth ((here), the superstar is worth $315 million. Meanwhile, her former partner, and singer, is merely worth $18 million.

The tub itself certainly qualifies. It’s labor intensive. It takes the designer up to 10 weeks to glue in the 46,928 imported pink Swarovski crystals onto the tub that measures 31″ by 16.5″ by 15.375″. That’s right, the money for luxury glass goes back home to Austria. But the gluing seems to have been done in California.

But, hey, don’t get caught up in the messy details, a job’s a job somewhere in the world. And just ponder the product:

Pamper your precious bundle of love from head to tiny toe, in a bathtub fit for a prince or princess! Each bathtub is a work of art, and every single crystal is hand applied. Your baby bathtub will be a lasting memory to keep forever!

Also, perfect for the pampered pet or fill with ice and chill your party beverages! Unlimited possibilities!

After you read that moving description, can you seriously object to Beyonce’s and Rowland’s need for tax breaks? Don’t you people out there, worried about your futures trust the rich to create new opportunities? Don’t even think about offending these job creators by asking your elected officials to bring back a progressive tax system. And, while we are talking about the law, why don’t we start a trade war with China to protect these musicians’ incomes from piracy on the Internet.

As in all difficult decisions, the competition was stiff for the kick-off job creator of the month award.

The runner-up job creator of the month is none other than celebrity heiress Paris Hilton, although she hasn’t bared her crotch in public in a long time. Hilton, who’s only 30 but had a head start in life with a fabulous inheritance, made the news by buying a red Ferrari on Black Friday. The $300,000 Italian car complements her collection of other luxury cars, including two Bentleys, a Range Rover, an Escalade and a Lexus.

No one, even those facing a cutoff in unemployment benefits, would want to inhibit Hilton from the purchase of another car by taking away her Republican tax cuts on millionaires, would they? Those cars required working hands to build, hands all over the world, one even was made by GM, and, as we all know, what’s good for GM, is good for the country.

A last word. I am inviting readers to nominate their own favorite job creators for next month’s award. We live in a democracy, and all citizens are supposed to have a say in how things are done, eh?


Written by theunbiasedeye

December 4, 2011 at 6:04 pm

2 Responses

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  1. I nominate Newt Gingrich for Job Creator of the month, in recognition of his maintaining a $500K credit line at Tiffany’s.


    December 5, 2011 at 8:03 am

  2. It should be noted that not all job creations are created equal. Some jobs eliminate others. For example, Paris Hilton may be lauded for creating distribution and warehouse jobs for her porn tapes (for which she does indeed receive profits). But efforts like hers, and other rank amateurs, are cutting into the legitimate DVD porn business, which not surprisingly is suffering in today’s business climate along with online access/piracy/amateur uploads. Many jobs are dependent upon a thriving professional pornography industry, not only the film jobs such as directors, producers, makeup artists, gaffers and fluffers, but also set makers, caterers, and mattress makers, and plastic surgeons. Job “creators” like Paris may, on the one hand, be taking away ten jobs for every one off the other hand.

    John Kurman

    December 5, 2011 at 12:40 pm

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